The Red Thread of Fate states that there is an invisible red chord connected to you and your future spouse. The Chinese version believes that you are connected by your pinky toe. The Japanese version goes with your pinky finger.
I think marriage is a funny thing. When I was little, I thought it was such a beautiful thing to spend the rest of my life with that one person I love. But as I got older, my definition of love changed. I'd like to believe that my red thread is connected to more than one person and experience. I want to be connected to my passions and all kinds of warm and interesting people who come my way.
From recent experiences, I learned if you go along every relationship believing this person could potentially be "forever," then you will only be left with disappointment. Whoever is your best friend, family member, or significant other right now, may not be tomorrow.
It's not sad.
It's the happy beginning of getting back up on your feet and the birth of another relationship that can further expand your horizons. Happiness being a choice is such a hard concept for me to grasp onto. As I am learning to open my mind and heart, I feel taller, smarter, and stronger.
I've realized that no one is special—myself included. I think we're better together. If we tie ourselves down to one person, we sacrifice our privileges, freedom, thoughts and much more.
Although, I do commend and respect people who are willing to make those sacrifices (like my parents for example.) I think I'm too selfish for that. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if I even care about people anymore.
I need to remind myself sometimes that I'm not a cold-hearted person that doesn't care about people. I think I'm supportive and loyal to my friends. While giving my friends and loved ones my time, effort, and emotion, I still have to remain logical and rational. Like I said, the moment you count on someone too much, you'll be left with nothing but confusion, heartbreak, and disappointment.
On a different note, I've recently been feeling more connected to my culture and heritage. I use to hate the way I look. In fact, I never thought Asians were pretty at all. I thought I had this view when I was younger because of the lack of Asian representation in Hollywood. All the magazine covers were large eyelid creases and white skin. But I'm tired of blaming outside sources on my personal problems. I don't want to like myself because a big corp put someone who looks like me on a billboard. I want to like myself through my own individual thought.
I disliked the way I look because I didn't accept myself. I disliked my culture from all the chink jokes and stereotypes of Chinese people being dirty, rude, and stingy. But now, when I see my almond shaped eyes and button nose in the mirror, I see the beautiful culture and history behind them. Chinese people are hard working, tenacious, and smart. We may come off rude or insensitive to other cultures, but I think it's pretty badass that we don't give a shit about what other people say and remain focused on what we want to achieve. To me, being Chinese is all about the dirty and grimy tough love.